...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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