Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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