I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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