It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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