if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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