thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
