i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
