I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
