made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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