There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
