Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
