I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
