so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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