Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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