That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
