I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
