I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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