dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
