Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Can i not drive my cunt home
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
