I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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