I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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