it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
