Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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