Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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