He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
