We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
