she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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