Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
