I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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