Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
