i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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