Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
