Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
