I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
