My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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