its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
