We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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