Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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