Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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