I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
