peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
