You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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