More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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