I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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