Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
