i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
