I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
