u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
