I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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