I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
