Define "chronic" masturbator.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
