peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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