It's like a parade of train wrecks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
