I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
