I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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