so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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