Im at strip club and am horny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
