I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
