Where did you get a picture of my penis
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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