Welp...herpes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
