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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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