When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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