I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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