A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
