i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need a beard to bite.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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