Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
