Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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