Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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