now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
